I drink to make you more interesting

OK Ya’ll,
So while I was looking around on the Interwebs the other day, I noticed this article on MSN that was taken from Oprah’s website. In this article, this rabbi named Menschy or Meuly or Goldfein or whatever rabbi name you want to insert here________ was talking about where to meet “nice guys.” Rabbi Rosengoldbergstein recommended church, bookstores, concert halls, poetry readings, weddings, etc. Personally I think meeting guys in those types of venues is about as likely as meeting Liza Minelli at an AA support group, or Lindsay Lohan at a defensive driving class, but what do I know. I write a blog complaining about not meeting guys. However, reading the article did prompt me to ask myself about this alleged “nice guy” scenario. Now, we all know that “nice” guys finish last. But what is it that constitutes being a “nice” guy? What is the definition of “nice” as far as relationships go, and how does a guy get into the “nice” category without completely sacrificing his balls? So I asked a few friends their thoughts. Here’s what they said:
Consideration. Always thinking about other people's (especially your) feelings.
Empathy. Anyone can "walk the walk" for lack of better terms, hold open doors, pull out chairs, but I think it takes empathy towards other humans to be a true "nice guy"
one that treats you great - one that holds doors for old ladies at the store - one that would take his shirt off his back if someone needed it more, etc......
By "nice guy" do you mean that hard to define "vanilla" quality that causes him to finish last?
Lacking in all qualities of the Alpha Male.
Me…
I know, I gotta get some better friends or at least start hanging out at bookstores where I know I have a better shot at talking to people who are literate. Kidding! Some of those are great answers. And I know they took thought. However, I thought I would take a stab at defining the word “nice” in the traditional sense, and what I think nice should be. Because I feel like a lot of “nice” guys finish last because they are what people call “too nice” which is really just a euphemism for “doormat.”
Merriam Webster says this:
Nice: (adj.) pleasing, agreeable. Virtuous, respectable. Well-bred.
The Big E says this:
Nice: (adj.) Bland. Boring. Sheep-esque. Pristine sense of humor, if one is present at all. Not argumentative. Watches his language, and uses less crass synonyms, such as “shoot,” “shucks,” and “dang.” Goes to church with his mama every Sunday and has never said a cross word to any member of his family. Virgin. Does not understand dirty jokes, and furrows his brow when you say EFFIN’ HELL! Combs his hair the same way since kindergarten. Irons his clothes, even his jeans and underwear. Usually not very attractive, and could possibly still wear headgear to bed at night. May work in some sort of technology occupation.Alt.: In touch with his feelings and great to talk to but not good looking. Makes you feel better about yourself. You would totally date him if he didn’t look like Steve Buscemi.
So what should nice be, you ask? Here’s what I think:
Nice: (adj.) kind to animals and people alike, but knows where to draw the line with people and only exhibits compassion for those that help themselves. Dirty enough to laugh at 80’s Eddie Murphy or 90’s Dice but not dirty enough to make you search his internet history for porn sites. Pays for dates, purchases gifts, but doesn’t do it to try and prove his worthiness. Confident in his ability to earn a living, play a sport, and stand up for you and to you. Handsome but not arrogant. Shares your beliefs and values and lives as an upstanding citizen but would also steal a lip gloss for you at Wal-mart. Lets you vent about work, your friends, friend’s boyfriends, and mother without cutting you off, but also lets you know when you’ve got to just say EFFIN HELL! and go pour yourself a martini. Willing to compromise on the activities for the weekend, but also has an agenda of his own.
I am still looking for that guy. To me, that’s one guy who would most certainly not finish last. Well, unless I finish first.